I am currently having trouble controlling the public nudity displays by The Duck. He seems to take No Pants Friday VERY seriously.
I am fairly sure my Japanese vocabulary is not sound enough to explain the bouts of public streaking that have been occurring, if I am stopped by the cops. Number One Son's translation skills leave a little to be desired. If the conversation does not revolve around trains, Pokemon, Mickey or the bloody Wiggles, there are usually large gaps in the information I receive.
And then there is the casual shop lifting. It happened when Shun was a little baby (he has stopped now, thank the Gods), but The Duck has taken it to masterful new levels.
Shun would just lift stuff at his eye level, whilst in the stroller, and it was usually sparkly or pretty, and easily returned with a large and embarrassing apology. Most stuff like lip gloss or hair clips had the shops name on the back. It was sometimes hard to part with his loot, as it was all very fashionable. He has very good taste :)
The Duck it waaaay more inventive. Yesterday he charmed a waitress into giving him free stuff, played with her hair, admired her earrings, flirted with her a little, and when we got home, I found he had lifted her security tag. ( I put it in their mailbox late last night, under the cover of darkness, may the Gods forgive me)
Couple of weeks ago, I bought a tube of fairly expensive skin cream from our local U.S pharmacy. I use it on all of us, as the weather is very dry, and we all have chapped skin and the kids got a little sunburned as well.
Everything in that shop costs a bomb. It is priced like it's made from diamonds and unicorn feathers.
When I got home from the shops, I found the ENTIRE DISPLAY from a nice brand of nail jewels with little mirror attached, tucked into the bucket of the stroller.
How am I going to return it???
I have kept it hidden from my Mr, but he is sure to find it soon.
How did he get the whole thing off the shelf, without me or his brother or anyone else in the shop noticing?? He is not yet 2, would the shop manager believe me if I told her the truth? It's getting to the point where I dare not take my eyes off him, the little cat burglar. I don't want to get banned from any more shops.
He has the face of a bloody ANGEL. He really looks like he would never do anything bad. Big brown eyes, Loooong black lashes, little Ducky face, charming smile, wonky little Ducky run, sweet little voice.
No one suspects he has the makings of a Master Thief.
Should I start saving for University or bail money?
In other news, Number One Son is having a rocky start to school here. He isn't as popular amongst his classmates as he was in Oz.
He really believes he should be much more powerful in his social circle, so he has taken to insinuating himself into the good graces of the Lunch Ladies, who have fallen for his charms, and now submit to his lunch box demands.
No wonder the other kids are upset! He gets special treatment, and ALWAYS gets picked for lunch duty.
At his year-end ceremony The Duck was quiet and well behaved until the EXACT moment Shun made his short speech to the school. Duck let out an ear-splitting scream, and wailed Papaaaaa! Noooooooo! just his Dad went up to collect Shun's certificate and shake his hand. Everyone glared at us.
Then when we went to The Boys commencement ceremony, The Duck sunk his sharp little teeth into my hand as we were singing the school song. I still have a mark on my thumb. It was only a thin sliver of self control that kept me from giving him a clip around the ear in public. We were gawked at for bloody hours, and I was either ignored by the staff or spoken to as if I was retarded. You know, how people look right in to your face and speak reeeeaaalllly slowly? They always have a stupid smile on their mugs when they do it, too.
God I love the Japanese and their passive aggressive Gaijin fear. I need a badge that says,
"Yes, I am foreign, thanks for remarking. No, I am not deaf or simple, just not Japanese."
The day culminated in The Boy telling me I needed to smarten up my act, and go to the shops to buy things to make me look "more Japanese" like the other Mums. He also narrowly missed out on a clout to the head.
I wonder where these items are that will make me look more Japanese? Black hair dye perhaps? Something to lop off most of my nose, bum, boobs and opinions?
Maybe I could buy a spray from somewhere to mask these things?
It took a whole two days for me to calm down enough to have a conversation with The Boy about Freedom, Individualism, Racial prejudice and just being fcuking rude and thoughtless to your Mum in public.
He has said he is sorry, and has displayed actual remorse without threats from me, which means he is either becoming more reasonable and mature, or he has learned to fake sincerity surprisingly well. I choose to align myself with answer number one.
I am fairly sure my Japanese vocabulary is not sound enough to explain the bouts of public streaking that have been occurring, if I am stopped by the cops. Number One Son's translation skills leave a little to be desired. If the conversation does not revolve around trains, Pokemon, Mickey or the bloody Wiggles, there are usually large gaps in the information I receive.
And then there is the casual shop lifting. It happened when Shun was a little baby (he has stopped now, thank the Gods), but The Duck has taken it to masterful new levels.
Shun would just lift stuff at his eye level, whilst in the stroller, and it was usually sparkly or pretty, and easily returned with a large and embarrassing apology. Most stuff like lip gloss or hair clips had the shops name on the back. It was sometimes hard to part with his loot, as it was all very fashionable. He has very good taste :)
The Duck it waaaay more inventive. Yesterday he charmed a waitress into giving him free stuff, played with her hair, admired her earrings, flirted with her a little, and when we got home, I found he had lifted her security tag. ( I put it in their mailbox late last night, under the cover of darkness, may the Gods forgive me)
Couple of weeks ago, I bought a tube of fairly expensive skin cream from our local U.S pharmacy. I use it on all of us, as the weather is very dry, and we all have chapped skin and the kids got a little sunburned as well.
Everything in that shop costs a bomb. It is priced like it's made from diamonds and unicorn feathers.
When I got home from the shops, I found the ENTIRE DISPLAY from a nice brand of nail jewels with little mirror attached, tucked into the bucket of the stroller.
How am I going to return it???
I have kept it hidden from my Mr, but he is sure to find it soon.
How did he get the whole thing off the shelf, without me or his brother or anyone else in the shop noticing?? He is not yet 2, would the shop manager believe me if I told her the truth? It's getting to the point where I dare not take my eyes off him, the little cat burglar. I don't want to get banned from any more shops.
He has the face of a bloody ANGEL. He really looks like he would never do anything bad. Big brown eyes, Loooong black lashes, little Ducky face, charming smile, wonky little Ducky run, sweet little voice.
Should I start saving for University or bail money?
In other news, Number One Son is having a rocky start to school here. He isn't as popular amongst his classmates as he was in Oz.
He really believes he should be much more powerful in his social circle, so he has taken to insinuating himself into the good graces of the Lunch Ladies, who have fallen for his charms, and now submit to his lunch box demands.
No wonder the other kids are upset! He gets special treatment, and ALWAYS gets picked for lunch duty.
At his year-end ceremony The Duck was quiet and well behaved until the EXACT moment Shun made his short speech to the school. Duck let out an ear-splitting scream, and wailed Papaaaaa! Noooooooo! just his Dad went up to collect Shun's certificate and shake his hand. Everyone glared at us.
Then when we went to The Boys commencement ceremony, The Duck sunk his sharp little teeth into my hand as we were singing the school song. I still have a mark on my thumb. It was only a thin sliver of self control that kept me from giving him a clip around the ear in public. We were gawked at for bloody hours, and I was either ignored by the staff or spoken to as if I was retarded. You know, how people look right in to your face and speak reeeeaaalllly slowly? They always have a stupid smile on their mugs when they do it, too.
God I love the Japanese and their passive aggressive Gaijin fear. I need a badge that says,
"Yes, I am foreign, thanks for remarking. No, I am not deaf or simple, just not Japanese."
The day culminated in The Boy telling me I needed to smarten up my act, and go to the shops to buy things to make me look "more Japanese" like the other Mums. He also narrowly missed out on a clout to the head.
I wonder where these items are that will make me look more Japanese? Black hair dye perhaps? Something to lop off most of my nose, bum, boobs and opinions?
Maybe I could buy a spray from somewhere to mask these things?
It took a whole two days for me to calm down enough to have a conversation with The Boy about Freedom, Individualism, Racial prejudice and just being fcuking rude and thoughtless to your Mum in public.
He has said he is sorry, and has displayed actual remorse without threats from me, which means he is either becoming more reasonable and mature, or he has learned to fake sincerity surprisingly well. I choose to align myself with answer number one.
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